He's Papa, the Sailor Man!

(to the tune of "Popeye")

He's Papa the sailor-man,
he sails with a cocker spaniel,
They wander the coast,
eating fried Spam™ and toast,
he's Papa the sailor-man!

After a tough (cough, cough) winter of wandering Bermuda, the Virgin Islands, and the Bahamas, Erik's dad made his way north up the coast. When he reached Atlantic Highlands, New Jersey, he realized that he was out of his league and was going to need a local man of the sea* to help navigate through the treacherous shoals** of New York Harbor.

Ever the hero, Erik hopped on the Sea Streak ferry after work on Friday, 5/23 and watched the skyscrapers of Manhattan recede into the distance. A mere 90 minutes later, he strode proudly onto the docks of Atlantic Highlands and bellowed, "where is this old salt that needs my nautical fortitude to brave the treacherous path to Manhattan?" Meekly, Papa Simpson raised his hand ever-so-slightly and whispered, "it is me, kind sir, that needs your help. Please help me brave the never-before-traveled waters*** to Manhattan Island." That evening, the men shared dinner and charted their course.

The following morning, the two sailors woke at sunrise, ate what they knew might be their last meal (scrambled eggs and Spam, sadly), hauled anchor, and set off on their journey. They faced many an obstacle along the way --- aggressive sea gulls, towering waves of nearly two feet, and temperatures dipping well into the upper 50's. Nonetheless, after five gut-wrenching hours, they arrived safe at the 79th Street Boat Basin, where they were greeted by what they assumed was an angel in a green dress. It was Katy. And she didn't bring beer.

*Here, "local man of the sea" is defined as a young, mediocre sailor who happens to live in the area and whose entire local nautical experience is having twice watched people operate remote-controlled sailboats in Central Park.

**Here, "treacherous shoals" is defined as a body of water characterized by enormously wide, deep channels, where the only trouble to be found is a rocky island marked by a 154-foot stone pedestal, on which stands a 151-foot tall copper woman holding a flaming torch.

***Here, "never-before-traveled waters" is defined as the rivers, bays, and tidal estuaries at the mouth of the Hudson River, which have been navigated for at least 400 years and are currently traveled by hundreds of boats and ships every single day.